屈原的糟糕一日
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中文翻译
[编辑]摘要
[编辑]Grok翻译
[编辑]通过一系列倒霉的意外，一个倒霉的北京学生被意外推上了历史的头条。警告： 这是一部政治讽刺作品。读者可能会发现某些故事元素极具冒犯性。如果你无法忍受而不暴跳如雷，请不要阅读这篇小说。
微软翻译
[编辑]经过一连串的意外，一位倒霉的北京学生被推上了历史头条。
警告：这是一部政治讽刺作品。读者可能会觉得某些故事元素极具冒犯性。如果你无法承受这件事而不发泄，请不要阅读这篇同人文。
正文
[编辑]Grok翻译
[编辑]屈原遇到了一个难题：他欲火焚身，简直快憋不住了。
街上有些骚动，但街上经常有骚动。他的父亲偶尔会提醒他，幸好他没有生在文化大革命那个大动荡的时代。那时候没人能读书，所有人都得出去砸旧社会的落后东西。比起那个，屈原的生活简单多了：他只需要考好成绩就行。
可惜，这种只知道学习的生活让他在人类最诚实的欲望上有些失衡。他对女生毫无办法，一到发情就只能回家，自己偷偷解决。
他拐进一条主干道，避开成群结队的学生。他们在抗议什么？难道忘了自己应该是来学习的吗？
屈原只想管好自己的事，赶紧回家，结果却和一辆坦克面对面撞上了。
他眨了眨眼。显然，他应该让开坦克的路。站在坦克前面既不礼貌，也不太安全！屈原听说红军战士都是粗人，绝不能得罪，他可不想惹恼这位坦克手。幸好，这位坦克手很有礼貌，停了下来，没有直接把他碾过去。
屈原往右迈了一步，结果坦克正好也转动履带往右开。糟糕！坦克和他选择了同一个方向。屈原赶紧调整，往左迈了一步——就在同一瞬间，坦克也朝左边冲了过来。
完了！现在这个坦克手该以为我在欺负他了！或者……万一里面是个女的呢？毕竟毛主席说过，女人也能开坦克。屈原呼吸急促。他一动也不敢动，生怕传出去自己有欺负女坦克手的癖好，那他本来就渺茫的桃花运就彻底归零了！
泪水开始从屈原眼角滑落，但他不敢动。他静静地站在原地，默默祈祷坦克再次开动，绕过他。
他自己浑然不知，国际媒体早已把这一刻拍下来，瞬间传遍了全世界。
“多么勇敢的人！”伦敦的观众说，“他正在单挑坦克！”
“哈哈，中国的坦克师团不过是纸老虎！”克里姆林宫里有人大笑。
“他愿意为民主献身！”白宫里有人宣布，“他是一位真正的民主斗士！”
今天怎么这么倒霉啊？ 屈原心想，我只想回家撸一管！
微软翻译
[编辑]屈原有个问题：他极度欲火焚身。
街上有些骚动，但街上经常有骚动。父亲偶尔会提醒他，文化大革命这场大动荡中他不是学生，真是幸运。那时候，没人能学习，大家都得走出去打压社会的倒退元素。相比之下，屈原的生活很简单：他只需要在考试中取得好成绩。
不幸的是，这种只靠学习的生活让他在真实的人类欲望上有些不平衡。他对女人毫无可救药，一旦性欲高涨，他唯一能做的就是自己在家里私下解决。
他转进一条主街，远离了学生的人群。他们在抗议什么？难道他们忘了自己应该学习吗？
屈原正忙着回家，却与一辆坦克正面交锋。
他眨了眨眼。显然，他应该让开这辆坦克。站在坦克的路上，实在太不礼貌了，更别说有点不安全了！屈原听说红军士兵都是粗犷的人物，绝不能惹怒他，他不想惹恼这位坦克司机。幸好这位坦克司机很有礼貌，停下来避免撞到他。
屈原向右迈步，正好坦克启动履带朝那边驶去。哎呀！坦克也选择了他走的同样路线。屈原调整了方向，向左迈步。就在那一刻，坦克猛地朝那个方向倾斜。
哦不！现在这个坦克司机会以为我在欺负他！或者——如果里面是个女人呢？毕竟。毛泽东一直坚持女性也可以成为坦克驾驶员。屈原喘着粗气。一旦他喜欢欺负女性的消息传开，他本就很渺茫的缘分就会变成零！
屈原的眼泪开始滑落，但他不敢动弹。他保持沉默和静止，祈祷坦克能再次移动绕过他。
他并不知道的是，国际媒体用镜头捕捉了这一瞬间，并立即向全世界直播。
“多么勇敢的人！”伦敦的观众们说。“他正面对坦克！”
“哈，中国的坦克师不过是纸老虎！”克里姆林宫一名男子笑着说。
“他愿意为民主而死！”白宫里一位男子宣称。“他是真正的民主活动家！”
为什么这一天这么糟糕？屈原心想。我只想回家撸！
原文注释
[编辑]Grok翻译
[编辑]或许“坦克人”——《时代》杂志称他为“无名反叛者”——只是一个被超出自己控制的事件卷入其中的普通人。或许两千多年前那位原初的屈原，也大抵如此。如果他们都是普通人，我们难道不该赋予他们普通人的那些烦恼吗？
微软翻译
[编辑]也许坦克人——时间所称的“未知叛军”——只是一个被无法控制事件卷入的普通人。
也许两千多年前的屈原也差不多。
如果他们是普通人，我们难道不应该给他们普通人的关心吗？
Original English text
[编辑]Summary
[编辑]Through a series of misadventures, a hapless Beijing student is catapulted into the headlines of history.
Warning: This is a work of political satire. Readers may find certain story elements deeply offensive. If you cannot handle this without lashing out, do not read this fic.
text
[编辑]Qu Yuan had a problem: he was desperately horny.
There was some commotion on the streets, but then, there was often a commotion on the streets. His father would occasionally remind him that he was lucky not to be a student during the great upheaval that was the Cultural Revolution. Back then, nobody could study, and everyone had to go out and smash the regressive elements of society. Compared to that, Qu Yuan’s life was quite simple: all he had to do was get good grades on tests.
Unfortunately, this life of only studying had left him a little imbalanced with respect to his honest human desires. He was hopeless with women, and the only thing he could do when he became horny was to take care of it himself, in the privacy of his own home.
He turned onto a main street, away from the throngs of students. What were they protesting? Had they forgotten that they were supposed to be studying?
Minding his own business and trying to get home, Qu Yuan came face-to-face with a tank.
He blinked. Obviously, he should get out of this tank’s way. It was awfully impolite, not to mention a little unsafe, standing in the path of a tank! Qu Yuan had heard that Red Army soldiers were all rough characters who should never be crossed, and he had no wish to annoy this tank driver. Thankfully, this tank driver was courteous, and had stopped to avoid running him over.
Qu Yuan stepped to the right, just as the tank turned on its treads and headed that way. Whoops! The tank had chosen the same way he was stepping. Qu Yuan adjusted his course, and stepped to the left. Exactly at that moment, the tank lurched in that direction.
Oh no! Now this tank driver will think I’m bullying him! Or — what if it's a woman in there? After all. Mao always insisted that women could be tank drivers too. Qu Yuan breathed hard. Once word got out that he was into bullying women, his already slim chances with them would become zero!
Tears began to leak out of Qu Yuan’s eyes, but he dared not move. He stayed silent and still, as he prayed for the tank to once again move and go around him.
Unbeknownst to him, international media captured the moment on camera and instantly broadcasted it to the world.
“What a brave man!” said watchers in London. “He’s facing down a tank!”
“Ha, the tank divisions of China are but paper tigers!” laughed a man in the Kremlin.
“He’s willing to die for democracy!” proclaimed a man in the White House. “He is a true democracy activist!”
Why is this day so shitty? Thought Qu Yuan. I just want to go home and fap!
notes
[编辑]Perhaps Tank Man — the Unknown Rebel, as Time called him — was just an everyday man swept up in events beyond his control.
Perhaps the original Qu Yuan, over 2000 years ago, was much the same.
And if they were everyday men, should we not give them the concerns of everyday men?
文章链接及出处来源
[编辑]来源：https://archiveofourown.org/works/66098647
原作者：某个不愿意透露姓名的一般路过
日期：2025年6月4日
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